Hello Project Derailed World! For those of you who have not been formally introduced to me, my name is Tanner Bivens. I am the host of the Nerdiest Talk Show on Earth and operator of my review website, Tanner Reviews. I am happy to be on board with Project Derailed to bring my own posts and content to this wonderful new website! Now, enough ass kissing. Time to shit all over some video game franchises! I do love me some video games and obviously when it comes to video games there are dynastic franchises that churn out consistently great and timeless games… Until the moment when they shit out some horrific trash. So this list is to commemorate ten games in excellent gaming franchises that shat the bed and stunk up the whole joint, The Top Ten Terrible Video Games… from Great Gaming Franchises.
First and foremost, before I list the ten, I want to set a criteria. First off, I will not be including any games that were released in 2016. They are too young to add them to this list and I would prefer at least a year under the belt before I add them to this list. You also will not be seeing games like Alone in the Dark and Sonic the Hedgehog on this list. Tragically, these games used to be good… But now they are shells of what they used to be. The bad games outweigh the good games and nostalgia is the only thing that keep franchises like that alive. With that said, let’s get to the list.
Duke Nukem Forever (Duke Nukem Franchise)
The first of our ten video games is one that had been in limbo for years… Which made the horrific payoff all the more bitter. Back in the day, Duke Nukem was “the game.” It was the game that parents were terrified to see their children playing. It was the raunchy, shoot ’em up, big breatest women, down and dirty type of game. Adults loved it for being an adult themed game that was, at the time, ruled by very cartoonish characters. Kids loved it because their parents didn’t want them to play it. Duke Nukem was a god in the video game industry during the 1990’s.
After Duke Nukem Forever went into limbo for years and after several on again/off again release dates, there was no way that the video game could have ever lived up to expectations. The game was teased for fourteen years, unless it was the greatest game of all time it wasn’t going to live up to expectations. Not to mention and one of the most important parts… Gamers and gaming had evolved in those fourteen years. People didn’t want a raunch fest that Duke Nukem brought to the table. People wanted excellent graphics and good gameplay… Instead Duke Nukem brought sub par graphics, a terrible story, and raunchy that was less fun and more annoying. While the first three games are classics, Duke Nukem Forever is best left forgotten to the sands of time.
Assassin’s Creed Unity (Assassin’s Creed Franchise)
I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of Assassin’s Creed. I never got into when it first came out and with its rapid release schedule, it hasn’t exactly been a tantalizing offer to start playing. But I can at least see the appeal to them and the one game I played, Black Flag is the best pirate romp that I have seen in… well ever! But the one thing that the franchise does not lend itself to is multiplayer. You are an assassin, a rogue, and there is nothing like taking a generally solo adventure by adding three other bumble cunts as you attempt to stealth to a target to kill.
Assassin’s Creed Unity is one of the cavalcade of games that were released when the X-Box One and Playstation 4 were released. Just like the other ones along with it, it was panned, and remains one of the worst games in the entire series.
Final Fantasy XIII (Final Fantasy Franchise)
Final Fantasy has been in a rough patch ever since 10. Eleven was nothing to write home to mom about, twelve was okay, and thirteen… Well thirteen was abject failure served up on a plate made out of steaming hot cow shit. For a gaming franchise that has been known as the king of the JRPGs that includes Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy VII, and Final Fantasy X to include an on-rails linear video game that features the some of the most despicable characters I have ever met.
They are the worst parts of JRPGs without any of the joy that they can bring. Snow has become an archetype for preening little shits who say hollow words of rebellion because they sound pretty and Lightning is one of the worst protagonists in video game history. This game is horrendous failure and one that Square Enix should be ashamed of.
Thief (2014 Video Game) (Thief Franchise)
For anyone who has not played the original Thief franchise, stop reading this article, play it, and then come back to tell me how wonderful it is. Then play the “not remake, but totally a remake” from 2014 and understand how much of a disgusting failure that game is. Thief is a wonderful and unique franchise with a rich and wonderful history. The people who rebooted the series turned their main protagonist into Batman, because Batman. They added a plucky female sidekick who will soon be the damsel in distress, and the game is boiled down to a horrific piece of human excrement unfit to be used in a disc laden table in a hipster’s recycled home. It is a terrible game and ruins the previous titles with its mere existence.
Batman Arkham Origins (Batman Arkham Series)
This one is arguably the best on this list. Out of all the games, you can say it is down right playable. However, the company it holds makes it look terrible by comparison. The Batman Arkham series is arguably one of the best in history. It is one of the few games that were able to take superheroes and make it a wonderful experience. Batman Arkham Asylum is phenomenal, Arkham Knight is decent, and Arkham City is one of the greatest games to ever be made. Which is what makes Arkham Origins the wicked step child.
Granted Rocksteady cannot be blamed for this. Origins was the creative child of Warner Bros. Montreal. Due to the fact that the producers of the Arkham game series could not be bothered to wait a year for the sequel to City, WBM was tasked to create a prequel to make some money. As you would expect, the graphics are not as good, the gameplay is not as good, and it has a lack luster feel compared to the other games in the franchise. Overall, it may not be the worst game, but it sure is the weak link of the series.
Various Guitar Hero Games in the late 2000’s (Guitar Hero)
If there was ever a franchise that killed itself through over saturation, it was Guitar Hero. This is a game that had it all. It was simple, it was unique, and people loved it… And then they made unreasonable amount of games, over saturated the market, and left the people that played them without enough money to purchase them.
Around the time that Guitar Hero folded they released NINE games that year and thus killed their own franchise. Luckily, they have made a resurgance. But the numerous games that appeared in the late 2000’s will be a reminder of what happens when you get too much of a good thing.
Resident Evil 6 (Resident Evil Franchise)
This one hits right in the child hood. I love me some Resident Evil. It was one of my favorite franchises growing up and Resident Evil: Nemesis is still one of my favorite games to play of all time. Which is why Resident Evil 6 hurts so much. Not only does the number on the box look like a giraffe getting a blowjob, it completely flushes everything that made the original memorable down the drain in order to pander to the Call of Duty wanker crowd.
The game may have been playable… But that doesn’t make it good. It is a poor representation of the franchise, the game feels like it is on rails, and the whole tone is less survival horror and more “aren’t guns cool?” It is horrific and universally hated among those who liked the original franchise games.
Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor (Steel Battalion Franchise)
Who else remembers how much of a failure the Kinect has been? Well it has only been a few years ago that they consistently churned out crap so I’m sure it is fresh in most of your memories. If there was ever a poster child for Kinect failure, it would be Steel Battalion: Heavy Armor.
For anyone who isn’t aware, Steel Battalion was a game that had a control console the size of a table. It truly allowed you to control a mech with realistic controls and creating an authentic experience. So how do you fuck that up? Well you take away the cool control console and you replace it with the Xbox Controller AND the Kinect. What makes it even worse is the fact that it was horribly broken. The controls were so fucked that the game was unplayable and has quickly become one of the worst jokes in video gaming history.
Thank you for reading and please like and subscribe for more from Project Derailed. Also, if you enjoy my posts, go to Tanner Reviews for more of what I have to offer.
