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‘Instant Hotel’ Teams As ‘Vampire: The Masquerade’ Clans

The question on everyone’s mind while watching Netflix and Seven Network’s Australian reality series Instant Hotel is, of course, what clan from Vampire: The Masquerade are each of the teams? Fear not, fellow Australian Reality TV fans. The guide to every Instant Hotel team’s VtM clan is finally here.

Terry & Anita – Assamite

This may seem like an unusual choice for the season one winners, but Terry and Anita’s behavior says it all. They started out the round by failing to divulge that they lived next door. They then proceeded to spy on their competitors from their yard. Also, the peek-a-loo? Definitely for assassinating your victim while they’re on the toilet.

Babe & Bondi – Toreadors

Walking into Babe and Bondi’s instant hotel shows that Torries designed everything. From the stuffed peacock to the Barbie art, it’s a Toreador instant hotel through and through. Also, their welcome baskets and activities had a clear focus on sex, which further proves the point that the mother-daughter team are actually sire and childe from Clan Toreador.

Bec & Tristan – Caitiff

Poor Bec and Tristan. While they had arguably one of the coolest instant hotels, these siblings were far out of their element. In this canon, Bec and Tristan are newly-embraced Caitiff. They lacked basic knowledge like to always have white sheets, but they showed a great deal of potential. With some time and guidance, Bec and Tristan could have easily had a winning instant hotel, but, for now, they have a solid, if shaky start. Like all Caitiff, they need to learn how to navigate somewhat on their own. And they could run away from the Scourge on their awesome house boat.

Serena & Sturt – Ventrue

Only a Ventrue would brag about being in the top 1% of TripAdvisor reviewers.

Lynne & Simon – Toreadors

Like Babe and Bondi, Lynne and Simon are from Clan Toreador. Their focus on sex and having showers out in the open shows that these two, whatever their relationship may be, hail from the clan of sex-obsessed artists. Between the paparazzi photos and specific, if cold design, these two are clearly Toreadors.

Mikey & Shay – Brujah

On the surface, you would think Mikey and Shay are either Toreadors or maybe even Ventrue. However, they don’t quite fit either clan. The instant hotel, while populated with fine furnishing missed some je ne sais quoi, and the smell and dampness permeating the instant hotel would not be tolerated by a Toreador. Moreover, while they may seem like Clan Ventrue, similar to Serena and Sturt, their want to succeed comes from their passion and anger rather than their ambition. Their rage during their scoring proves that they belong to Clan Brujah.

Brent & Leroy – Tremere

Brent and Leroy, the most particular of the Instant Hotel contestants in season one, clearly come from Clan Tremere. Brent and Leroy were not in this for themselves. While their harsh criticisms may seem like they were trying to sabotage their fellow teams, they were actually rabidly following the rules. This is why, when given the opportunity to win their round through unfairly scoring the other guests or lose, they chose to lose.

Samantha & James – Caitiff

Samantha and James were an odd couple on Instant Hotel. While the other teams put a great deal of work into their instant hotels, they more or less just supervised the property. They are Caitiff because they lack anything of their own. While Samantha picked out dishes or the occasional decoration for the property, it fundamentally did not belong to them. Like many Caitiff, they had to use the goodwill of others to get where they are.

Mark & Jannine – Malkavian

Mark and Jannine have one of the coolest instant hotels on the series. However, it is a highly specific instant hotel. If you don’t like 50s diner Americana, you’ve come to the wrong instant hotel. The obsessive collecting of these specific pieces–enough to fill the instant hotel to the brim–puts them in Clan Malkavian. Their derangement is collecting these pieces, but it leads to an awesome result.

Adam & Kathy – Caitiff

It was hard to decide what clan Adam and Kathy are, and I think that’s why they have to be Caitiff. But, I think they’ve been Caitiff for a while. They’ve perhaps discovered their true clans, but they’ve never quite fit. Like their instant hotel, everything seems normal, but something is off. A few things are out of place, which makes you question everything.

Debbie & Justin – Toreador

This isn’t shade to Debbie and Justin. Their clan selection is based on their instant hotel and their compassion for others. Debbie and Justin were some of the most human on the series. They got along with everyone and engaged in the competition fairly, giving them a well-deserved season two win. Moreover, their instant hotel had a view over the water that would daze anyone, toreador or not. Clearly, Debbie is a toreador who makes sausage dog art and Justin is her childe. Even before the renovation, they had one of the most beautiful instant hotels in the history of the show, but the updated version which won them the competition solidified their toreador status.

Razz & Mark – Nosferatu

Razz and Mark being Nosferatu is the obvious choice. Their instant hotel is, quite literally, in a cave in an incredibly secluded area. If you don’t mind the flies, this is the ideal instant hotel for Clan Nosferatu. The real reason it has electricity is to get that high-speed internet access into Coober Pedy.

Jay & Leah – Caitiff

Like Tristan and Bec and Samantha and James, Jay and Leah are Caitiff. Their instant hotel is also a family home, and while extremely cute and charming, it isn’t quite up to the standard of the other instant hotels. However, they have a great deal of potential. The thing with the shells may be indicating Clan Malkavian, however.

Gene & Sharon – Followers of Set

This was the easiest choice of all the teams. When Gene and Sharon take you to their secluded instant hotel estate, you know they’re going to entice you with all of the sex and rock and roll and no doors on the bathrooms and then make you pledge yourself to their cult and to our Lord and Savior, Set.

Fiona L.F. Kelly (@FionaLFKelly)
Fiona L.F. Kelly is a writer, editor, and podcaster. She has published numerous articles about all things gaming and pop culture on websites all across the internet, was also a writer for Trinity Continuum: Aberrant 2e, and has been published in books and magazines. She is an editor for the pop culture and media website GeekGals.co. In addition to her writing and editing, she has also been a guest and host on several podcasts. She hosts the Project Derailed podcast Big Streaming Pile, produces and performs on Fables Around the Table, and plays the githyanki pirate Rav’nys on Tales of the Voidfarer. Buy her a coffee: ko-fi.com/fionalfkelly

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